Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
