By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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