i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
