I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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