You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
