just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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