Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
handjob tips. give me some.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
