Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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