glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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