i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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