Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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