At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
