did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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