Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
