Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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