Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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