the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
