So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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