Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
