Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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