I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
