i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
