The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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