Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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