is your mom at the bar?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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