he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
