When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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