It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
