i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
