this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
