hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
