her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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