I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize