Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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