Where is the hickey?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
