I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
