I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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