I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
