I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
