Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
