My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
