oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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