Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
