I have demons in me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
