You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
