you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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