dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
