Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
