Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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