I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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