I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
