just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I came so hard my ears popped.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
