Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize