Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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