It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
