is your mom at the bar?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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