so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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