So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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