someone owes me an orgasm
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
