I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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