We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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