She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
