Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
