I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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