The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
