the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
