I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Holy shit dude........stairs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
