Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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