my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
