you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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