Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
