I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
