i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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