Ambien. No doubt about it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
