you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
