That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
