On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
that is very illegal...i love you.
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