Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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