Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
