halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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